Saturday, January 15, 2011

i am not a mommy blogger.

As a rule, I generally dislike mommy blogs. If you're not hip to the trend in the blogosphere these days, mommy blogs are all the fucking rage. There are those that are seriously making bank from writing about their kids drool and cloth diapering and feeding their kids basically animal feed.

Being mother Earth is also a trend, just so you know.

And I should really back up and say, most of these  BIG TIME BLOGGERS started off writing about the drool and the diapers and the general chaos that goes along with having a child (or five), but the minute they post those blog ads up from the BIG TIME MOMMY BLOGGER AD COMPANY (yes, there is one), things shift into no longer a cute home-made cutesy blog about the trials and errors of being a mother, but into just being a money maker.

Big corporations take notice of these big time bloggers, send them free shit like fridges and computers just so they'll post a half-ass review, on the off chance their rabid followers might stop what they're doing, throw everything into that Toyota Sienna mini-van (it was mentioned on another mommy blog last week, didn't you hear?!), and get their happy ass to Target to GET THAT SHIT. I mean, if BIG TIME MOMMY BLOGGER said it turns on and doesn't blow up, then it must be awesome.

It's annoying. They are mostly paid per-click page views, so they do teaser posts, or tease posts via twitter or facebook, and the non-blinking masses happily click click click that mouse, because goddamnit, they have to know if Mommy Blogger Jr. passed that earring he accidentally swallowed 2 days ago.

I'm not joking. Poke around, you'll find who and what I'm talking about. It's not hard to find. I'm not a hater, I'm just over it. I'm a blogger (a half-assed one, but still). I'm a mom. But just to put it to rest, this ain't no mommy blog. I curse too much, for starters. I also don't mix Jesus into everything I write, which is also the BIG hook with these mommy blogs, for the most part. If you and Jesus are BFF, then write whatever the hell you want, these people will eat that shit for breakfast, lunch, AND dinner.

So, hopefully you'll stick around. I will probably write about my son at some point, but I'm not doing it for a fucking refridgerator.


Dallas said...

Mommy-blogs piss me off too. There's this one blog I was reading for awhile called "The Meanest Mom" (look it up when you get a chance) and I thought it was hilarious, until I came a post stating, "This blog is for my children, so no cursing, inappropriate posts and blah-blah-blah allowed, etc."

Needless to say, I stopped reading her blog. It irritated me that she felt it necessary to post something like that-- I never noticed that she didn't swear or anything like that until she made a point of mentioning it. I felt like I'd been scolded.

I also noticed that the more prominent her blog became, the more shameless product promotion she posted.

I'm glad your blog is outside the norm. I was never much for going along with the status quo myself, so I think it's great that one of my friends feels the same way-- and stands by her position to not become one of the "mommy-blogger-sheeple" types.

Amber, said...

Dallas- Thanks so much for your comment. And I'm glad you were able to comment! I remember your message via facebook saying your phone wouldn't let you, so I thought it might be because I did have comments set to a pop up window instead of being imbedded. Maybe that helped?

And yes, I get pissed off when I feel like I'm getting schooled, or being preached to by some of these mommy blogs. They make my blood boil, I will never, ever do that shit. I'm just gonna do me, and I don't really think I fit into any genre, other than "rant rant rant funny rant rant". <3 you Dallas!

Dallas said...

I really should start a blog myself. Sadly, I think my zest for blogging ended about six years ago with Open Diary, lol.

I always thought it would be great if I could create a blog solely dedicated to the purpose of pissing everyone off. The Misanthropic Bitch, version 2.0, if you will.

Fuck mommy bloggers. They would have a field dayw ith me. I'm that asshole mom that laughs when her kid does something highly inappropriate like calling his teacher an idiot, or mispronouncing "fork" as "fuck".

I probably shouldn't have reproduced, but too late now. ;)