Wednesday, December 29, 2010

so, you're a jerk. (pt.2)

I hate flaky people. BIG TIME. Like, beyond repair.

I had this best friend back in the day, Greg. I loved Greg. Some might have said I was in love with him (like me, looking back), but he had this gigantic flaw. Other than being amazingly cool, and funny, and adorable, and fun to hang out with, and my total partner in crime- he was a flake. We'd hang out every day for 2 weeks, then I wouldn't be able to get in touch with him for 5 days. Then it started getting like, I couldn't find him for weeks. This, understandably, is frustrating, but I liked Greg- so much- and loved the time we did hang out, so I just chalked it up to Greg being Greg.

When I moved to Baton Rouge, at first he would often come visit, staying for the weekend, crashing on our couch and whatnot. Then we stopped seeing him less. Then the phone calls went unanswered. Then he reappeared around the time I got pregnant, I asked him to be the godfather (he was, after all, my oldest and best male friend), and he happily agreed. Then I didn't hear from him for over a year and a half.

What the fucking fuck? I mean, really. That's not just Greg being Greg, that's Greg being a jackass. I've only talked to him maybe 3 times in the past 2 1/2 years.

Oh, by the way, the one time I opened up to Greg and told him I might actually be in love with him, beyond the friend boundaries, he picked that time to tell me he was in love with my sister. You know, the skinny, prettier one.

So, moving on. When I moved to New Orleans in July, I met this guy, Jesse. He was from South Dakota, and we just hit it off. We became super fast friends, confided in each other, hung out almost daily. He had no car so I would offer to give him rides home from work, things like that. We texted ALL DAY unless we were actually hanging out. We were just BFF forever and ever, ya'll. So I thought.

In Septemberish, he mentioned briefly he was thinking about moving back to SD. He said he was homesick, couldn't find a job here with his degree, etc. All good reasons to move back, I would say, but then everytime I mentioned it, he brushed it off, and said nothing was concrete. Then like 3 weeks later, he had a post on fucking facebook, announcing how much he hated New Orleans and everyone in it, and how he was moving back to South Dakota. That weekend.

I called and was like, "Um, what?" We were supposedly best friends (this coming from his own lips two days prior at a Daniel Tosh show we went to together). He said he was afraid to tell me, and that I would be mad. Again, what the fucking fuck?! So, to make a long story a little less long, the next day we hung out and he said I was one of the best friends he had ever had, that he would be "devastated" if we lost touch, that we should still call and text each other daily. I was cautious but agreed.

He moved around 2 months ago, and I've heard from him....twice. And only after I sent him a text basically calling him an asshole for being a flaky ass liar. Yesterday was one of those days, I had spent weeks trying to get in touch with him, send him an email wishing him Happy Holidays and if he so desired, to please tell me to fuck off so I could stop wasting my time. He ignored me, every text and every email. So, being in an already emotional and tired-of-the-bullshit state, I sent a not so very nice text. Guess who calls 2 seconds later? The man (boy) of the hour.

We yelled at each other for a good 45 minutes, then he said he was done. I laughed and said, "Finally! A decision." I was relieved, honestly. Then 10 minutes later, I get an email telling me he doesn't want to lose me as a friend, but please, give him some time and let him come to me on his terms.

Last I checked, I'm not married to your trifling ass, so fuck you. Fuck fuck fuckity fuck. (Might as well get it all out.)

I have zero friends down here. Seriously. So I met another guy (sorry, ladies, unless I already know you, I will probably hate you). We went out for drinks/coffee a few times and hit it off big time, and laughed and had alot in common and YAY AMBER FOUND A NEW BFF!

Wrong. Another fucking flake who dropped off the face of the Earth.

What the hell am I doing wrong? Seriously. I'm asking.

In the meantime, I'll be back home in central Louisiana from the 3rd to the 8th, and I am looking forward to being around my friends SO FUCKING MUCH. There's already a Michael Jackson dance party/drinking party being thrown for me. Like, hello?! Obviously I'm awesome. I need to just stop trying to make new friends and cling to the ones I already have. I need to move home.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

so, you're a jerk.

I'll probably regret this later, but fuck it.

I was a skinny kid until around 4th grade. Around the time my parents divorced. Then..the pounds started packing on. I, like most "fat kids", was made fun of but hey! It made me develop a killer sense of humor, an arsenal of sarcasm and funny comebacks, and thick skin. Well, almost thick skin.

It never really bothered me. Much. It pissed me off more that I have to order cute clothes instead of just breezing through the local Target, but other than that? If a guy didn't like me for my size? Fuck him. And the skinny horse he rode in on.

But lately? It's really, really been bothering me. I was comfortable with myself. Then I had a baby. I gained 30 lbs, after losing 10 in the first trimester. Then, after Reece was born, I lost all 30 lbs in a week and a half. Then 3 months later, it was back. And it's still here. I lose a few pounds, then gain some, and so on and so forth.

Guess what? Surprise! Guys are jerks. And yeah, I'm married. But who doesn't want to feel attractive? And wanted? I do. And I don't.

And the more guys I meet, the more I want to punch them all in their face.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

desperately seeking susan. i mean, iphone.

iPhone 4,

I barely knew you. You came into my life, and left me too soon. I find I cannot live without you, but lack the funds to replace you. I'm a dumbass that lost you, but you made me love you. Come back? I promise I will tape you to my hand so I won't lose you again. Or at least wire me the money so I can get one of your relatives.

The dumbass who needs your electronic loving but lost you in Walmart.

Friday, December 24, 2010

i'm a sissy.

So, last night, I had a bit of a nervous breakdown.

It's been building for a few weeks (months, more likely). It started when I moved even further away from my hometown, now four hours away. It started when I found some old drawings my very closeknit group of best friends made me when I was flying back from Colorado a million years ago. It started when I read on facebook that one of my best friends, Jonathan, was sitting on one of my other best friend, Jodi's, front porch waiting on the town Christmas parade to start, which just so happens to pass in front of her house on Main St.

I broke last night when I got emailed a faux-christmas newsletter that Jodi and Jonathan do every year. It's completely crazy, this invented Southern family they made up, and they have back stories for all the members, and the newsletter made me laugh so hard, that I cried, and then I cried because I missed laughing that hard.

I am homesick. Hardcore, painfully homesick.

The cure? On New Year's Eve, I'm heading home, for at least 4 or 5 days. Maybe longer. I need my town, my friends, the familiarity, the ease of sitting on a porch and laughing about absolutely nothing but inside jokes that are ridiculous and hilarious and goddamn, I miss it.

I'm coming, ya'll.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

the big apple.

So, speaking of my sister, she is in NYC on her honeymoon, and her husband surprised her with tickets to see the David Letterman show. They went to the taping this afternoon, which airs tonight. She said they were 2nd row, right by the aisle, so there is a good chance she'll be shown when they do the audience shots. The guest tonight is Denis Leary, which is also awesome. Check it out!

my little sister.

When me and my sister Jo were growing up, we were poor. For reals. Like, my dad had to go door to door asking to mow people's lawns so he would have the money to buy Jo diapers. That sort of thing. Both sides of my family are not well off, and while both my parents are now both proud homeowners and are doing rather well for themselves, wealth does not run in the family.

But, you see, me and Jo never knew this growing up. We're 2 years and 1 month apart, and have always been best friends. I think we've had ONE fight, and it was over in like 6 hours (and we were both pregnant and hormonal and bitchy as hell, so I mean, that doesn't even count). My mom would put our asses out in the fenced in HUGE yard (biggest yard in the trailerpark, bitches!), and we would play in dirt, and on the swingset my pawpaw saved the money to buy us, and on second hand toys that my mama got at garage sales. We had a fucking blast. Jo followed me around faithfully, and we played pretend, and sang stupid songs, and we would go in for lunch, then right back outside to play until it was close to dark. We have home video of me and her just looking at each other and cracking up. We have the same sense of humor, and just get each other.

I love my sister. Jo is the smartest, most driven person I know, to be completely honest. I'll be frank, I'm pretty smart, but that chick is brilliant. She went into the gifted program in 4th grade, stayed in it until high school, and then she took all the advanced courses. She was well rounded, joining me and my clique in speech and debate to do acting, but also excelling in math (my downfall), science, english, and everything else. She seriously was upset when she got a B (which was rare).

She moved to Lafayette after graduating high school to go to the University of Louisiana at Lafayette (UL) on a full scholarship, and did incredibly well, graduating a couple years ago with a degree in accounting. She scored an awesome internship at a big shot accounting firm while still in school, and after graduating, they hired her full time, and she's still there. She has perfect credit. She has a shiny new car. She has a beautiful baby boy, who turned 2 in November. He and my son were supposed to be born only 3 weeks apart, but she had a rough pregnancy and he was born via emergency c-section 7 weeks early, weighing a tiny 3lbs. He was in the nicu for just under a month.

When I had my kiddo 2 months after she gave birth, my son weighed 8lbs, 10 oz., 3 times what hers did. It hit me then how strong she was, because all the time her tiny baby was in the hospital, she never let it get to her, she dutifully pumped breastmilk to make him healthy, she was there in the nicu as much as she could, and she never complained. We would have understood if she did, but she didn't.

Last Friday, she got married. I was to be a matron of honor, but I'm still getting over bronchitis and on Friday, I was practically dead to the world, and I couldn't make it. I'm still devastated. I did have the honor of taking her bridal portraits, and she was (is) beautiful. Congrats, JoJo. I love you more than anything.

devil went down to philadelphia.

So, I'm up super late. I had a late night meeting for coffee on Pirate's Alley (yeah I said it) in the French Quarter with a new friend, this really fun and interesting guy named Chris who just moved here from Washington State. I love Pirate's Alley, there is a teeny tiny bar that also serves coffee and has an outdoor patio. Right near Jackson Square. Anyways so when I got home, me and Tony watched Devil.

Ya'll. YA'LL. That shit was scary. Most people say ol' M. Night's movies are predictable, but I'm stupid when it comes to movies and usually don't guess right, but I don't see how anyone can say this one was predictable. I really, really liked it (besides being scared shitless). I'm really looking forward to the next Night Chronicle (google it).

FYI, thats my answer for everything. Google it.

In closing, the Devil and the movie Devil are some scary shit. I need Jesus, ya'll. One thing is for sure, I'm not going to sleep right now. Thank you, Ritalin! I would be having some fucked up nightmares.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

i'm an idiot.

Something that you might not know about me is that I'm an extent. And I'm passionate about a handful of things. Passion plus impulse equaled me at Walmart 4 days before Christmas.

I'm sort of obsessed with M. Night Shyamalan. Pretty much all of his movies (minus Lady In The Water...c'mon, M!), I love. The Village, although widely panned, is one of my very favorite movies and although I know the "reveal", I can watch it again and again. The tone, the scenery, the acting, the very subtle dialogue...I freaking eat it up. Anyways! So, yeah, back to the point.

Devil is a movie I wanted to see in the theater, but of course, these things aren't as easily done when you have a kiddo and no family nearby to babysit, so I missed it. It came out today, and so impulsively, I decided to brave traffic and go to Walmart to get the blu-ray, because it was seriously 12 dollars cheaper than Target. Google it. It's true, bitches. And I will stand in line behind an old lady with 29 containers of yogurt (yes, I counted) at the 15 item or less line for 10 minutes to save 12 dollars. Believe it.

I'll watch the movie tonight and let you know what I think. I'm excited!

here i go again.

So, this officially makes the 90th time I've started a blog. And I was lazy this time, I just kept the domain name of the last one I didn't have time for and re-designed it. Somewhat. I'm really rusty on blog design, and so if there are kinks or mistakes, let me know. Seriously. I'm using a predesigned template just for simplicity sake at the moment, but maybe that'll change.

Why a blog? Well, besides being a photographer, my main job is a stay at home mom. My son is just about 2 years old and is in the phase where he wants nothing to do with me, just wants trucks and Yo Gabba Gabba and LEAVE ME ALONE OR I WILL SCREAM, that sort of phase. So I spend a lot of time on my laptop, supervising his destruction of my home. I read mommy style blogs (for humor and opportunities to roll my eyes) and doctor/pharmacist/nurse style blogs (for wtf?! moments) and blogs blogs blogs, I have no life. That's it in a nutshell.

Besides, I now live in New Orleans, roughly 4 hours away from my hometown where all my friends and most family are, so this is a way for them to keep up with what's going on in my life.....right...? Oh, who am I kidding, I will give this blog address to probably, oh, 4 friends and that's if I'm being generous. I'm a weirdo that way. Besides, this is mainly for Krista (HI KRISTA, HIIIII), who is a real life friend who has written blogs for ever and ever amen, and actually keeps up with them. Kudos, my friend. She inspired me to try this (again) and try to keep up with it. So bear with me, and nag me if I start getting boring.

So, I think that's enough for now, and I'll post more later. Promise.