so, you're a jerk. (pt.2)

I hate flaky people. BIG TIME. Like, beyond repair.

I had this best friend back in the day, Greg. I loved Greg. Some might have said I was in love with him (like me, looking back), but he had this gigantic flaw. Other than being amazingly cool, and funny, and adorable, and fun to hang out with, and my total partner in crime- he was a flake. We'd hang out every day for 2 weeks, then I wouldn't be able to get in touch with him for 5 days. Then it started getting like, I couldn't find him for weeks. This, understandably, is frustrating, but I liked Greg- so much- and loved the time we did hang out, so I just chalked it up to Greg being Greg.

When I moved to Baton Rouge, at first he would often come visit, staying for the weekend, crashing on our couch and whatnot. Then we stopped seeing him less. Then the phone calls went unanswered. Then he reappeared around the time I got pregnant, I asked him to be the godfather (he was, after all, my oldest and best male friend), and he happily agreed. Then I didn't hear from him for over a year and a half.

What the fucking fuck? I mean, really. That's not just Greg being Greg, that's Greg being a jackass. I've only talked to him maybe 3 times in the past 2 1/2 years.

Oh, by the way, the one time I opened up to Greg and told him I might actually be in love with him, beyond the friend boundaries, he picked that time to tell me he was in love with my sister. You know, the skinny, prettier one.

So, moving on. When I moved to New Orleans in July, I met this guy, Jesse. He was from South Dakota, and we just hit it off. We became super fast friends, confided in each other, hung out almost daily. He had no car so I would offer to give him rides home from work, things like that. We texted ALL DAY unless we were actually hanging out. We were just BFF forever and ever, ya'll. So I thought.

In Septemberish, he mentioned briefly he was thinking about moving back to SD. He said he was homesick, couldn't find a job here with his degree, etc. All good reasons to move back, I would say, but then everytime I mentioned it, he brushed it off, and said nothing was concrete. Then like 3 weeks later, he had a post on fucking facebook, announcing how much he hated New Orleans and everyone in it, and how he was moving back to South Dakota. That weekend.

I called and was like, "Um, what?" We were supposedly best friends (this coming from his own lips two days prior at a Daniel Tosh show we went to together). He said he was afraid to tell me, and that I would be mad. Again, what the fucking fuck?! So, to make a long story a little less long, the next day we hung out and he said I was one of the best friends he had ever had, that he would be "devastated" if we lost touch, that we should still call and text each other daily. I was cautious but agreed.

He moved around 2 months ago, and I've heard from him....twice. And only after I sent him a text basically calling him an asshole for being a flaky ass liar. Yesterday was one of those days, I had spent weeks trying to get in touch with him, send him an email wishing him Happy Holidays and if he so desired, to please tell me to fuck off so I could stop wasting my time. He ignored me, every text and every email. So, being in an already emotional and tired-of-the-bullshit state, I sent a not so very nice text. Guess who calls 2 seconds later? The man (boy) of the hour.

We yelled at each other for a good 45 minutes, then he said he was done. I laughed and said, "Finally! A decision." I was relieved, honestly. Then 10 minutes later, I get an email telling me he doesn't want to lose me as a friend, but please, give him some time and let him come to me on his terms.

Last I checked, I'm not married to your trifling ass, so fuck you. Fuck fuck fuckity fuck. (Might as well get it all out.)

I have zero friends down here. Seriously. So I met another guy (sorry, ladies, unless I already know you, I will probably hate you). We went out for drinks/coffee a few times and hit it off big time, and laughed and had alot in common and YAY AMBER FOUND A NEW BFF!

Wrong. Another fucking flake who dropped off the face of the Earth.

What the hell am I doing wrong? Seriously. I'm asking.

In the meantime, I'll be back home in central Louisiana from the 3rd to the 8th, and I am looking forward to being around my friends SO FUCKING MUCH. There's already a Michael Jackson dance party/drinking party being thrown for me. Like, hello?! Obviously I'm awesome. I need to just stop trying to make new friends and cling to the ones I already have. I need to move home.